Acceptance

Last night I realized how much of an insecure person I am. To those who know me well, I'm sorry that you have to read this. But it's true, I am very and highly insecure. Going to a school where there's so many amazing people- you can't help but to compare yourself once in a while.

At my school, I learnt many things about "what makes a person attractive." I learnt about the existence of a thigh gap, the sticking out of collarbones, the significance of a girls breast size, the pulp of a persons butt and many more. Of all which made me reflect upon my own body. Hence it became a catalyst as to why I'm so self-conscious now. 

It hits me. At times, I wish I could go back to my old school and not worry not know about these things. Back then I only worried about was the exposure of my body and what I wore. Now I worry about what I look like in what I wear- the shape of my body and all that nonsense. 

Last night I thought about waking up in the morning and drawing this page (picture below). "The things I'm insecure about." It's not to rub in my face what I may not like about myself. It's more like a page where I list out these very things and from then on, embark on a journey to acceptance. 

Acceptance. That is all I need. 

I remember then who accepted me at my worst, my best, my darkest and my lightest. My one and only Father. 

Acceptance. He is all I need. 

So as I sit in front of this screen, I'm still contemplating what to write on. Should I subtly vent out my feelings? Should I go off onto a completely different topic in which it wouldn't matter nor apply to anyone? Should I just stop typing right now ..?

The only thing running through my mind is: "You don't need me huh?"
Well, looks like I've fallen into the category of 'Venting Feelings.' *claps for Kristine*

I don't wanna expand on this as I'd like to talk to the person directly- definitely have learnt my lesson. It's been too long since I've posted up anything positive on here. Let's brighten this up with a list of mine: 'The Little Things'

• Apple Juice
• Sunrises/Sunsets
• Morning breeze that is just the right temperature
• Finishing a colouring in page
• Jumpers that give you the right amount of warmth
• Bed socks
• Tedx Talks
• Perfect sleeping position 
• Singing in the shower
• Opening a bottle of water
• Victorious

'Will you wait for me?' 'Certainly'

These exact words were exchanged yesterday afternoon as my bestfriend and I sat in front of the MPC after school. As everyone finished after Period 4, we had stayed back with our groups to work on our Viva Vocé. An eventful start to our day happened when we attempted to finish our 'tbh's' that were shared on Saturday evening. I had left him hanging by a moment as he had expressed how he did see potential of us being together in the mere future but due to the ringing of the bell I wasn't able to respond.

This response was well left til the end of the day when it was just him and I.

I don't want to go into detail but I can come to conclusion that my bestfriend likes me. I can't say  I have feelings as well. I'm not ready to jump into anything like that right now and alongside of all this- HSC. HSC is definitely a priority during this last season of schooling for me. But I think it's safe to say that I'm trusting God with this. If we are meant to be together, God will establish the necessary feelings inside my heart whilst standing guard at the door of it. He is my Father and he's gotta go through Him first and foremost.

Friendship > Feelings.

Other than that, I thoroughly enjoy tumblr's homepage. A week without tumblr? Let's do this!

To tell a Story

I'm afraid that the continuous workload of HSC is slowly consuming me thus I hardly touch blogger.
I'm certain that the ventilation of certain thoughts and rants are best kept within the pages of my journal rather than on this blogger.
And yet again I'm afraid ..of the future.

So what is the connection between the title of this post, this photograph and the content of this post? It'll take quite an extensive elaboration to convince your understanding and interpretation of this connection. However, I am prepared to do so. Please, do prepare yourself.

This photograph was taken during a night at Engage. It was this very night that I was assigned to take photographs.It was this very night that re-ignited my passion and love for photography again. Oh and how glorious it felt. I don't understand how it came to being but I do understand that God does work in the smallest of ways. Through the times He bursts sun-rays into my room to get me out of bed, the times He gives me peace in escaping reality through reading a book, the times He makes me look into the mirror and smile at what I see. Such little things displaying an enormous love.

This photograph I wanted to tell a story.
A story not needing a main character or plot. But a story that speaks of a life journey with Christ. A story that reveals the vulnerability of the human through the expression of their knees touching the floor in desperation. This story has no ending as every moment of contact with the Saviour is only a beginning of new paragraph. I can't express enough just how powerful God moved in that night, as He does everyday. This night, He touched me again and breathed life into what was dead. He touched me again and grabbed hold of my hand.

This photograph highlights what I need to do.
My fear of the future hits me hard. Really hard. To the point that I physically stay still in shock, mindlessly staring at my wall questioning my existence. Literally. The moment my knees make contact to the floor, the moment my forehead touches the floor with my knees tucked under my chin- is the very moment I feel His embrace. His embrace, though not physically seen, is what motivates me to move on. His embrace that delivers reassurance of His presence in my life. I'm more than hopeful for what He has for me. And I'm more than hopeful that my future is not to harm me but to let me soar into horizons I never would've thought existed nor could reach.

To tell a story is to bring hope in a desolate place.
To tell a story is to deliver from bondage.
To tell a story is to reignite what was burnt out.
To tell a story is to bring life to what was dead.

I want my life story to do just that.