Confessions of Being Single #2: The Search

AHA! You probably have already figured out what this post will be about. Oh the perilous journey of searching and finding 'the one' for you is tiring, long, challenging, annoying and frankly can sometimes leave you in a state of hopelessness. This is though if you have spent most of your adolescent to adult life going from one person to another, 'falling in love' several times but finding that you just haven't encountered your one true 'soul mate.'

Well let me present to you another idea. See, I won't judge you if you have had multiple relationships or have given your heart so many times that you feel as if you can't give anything to the one you're truly meant to be with. We're only human and plus I have no right to judge you since I have no knowledge of you. But I do believe that we aren't meant to search.

I will warn before I continue, that I myself have not experienced falling in love, I have not been in a relationship either. Might be surprising to some since I am almost 18 years old. So ...*cricket sounds* Anyway, this is just my personal idea that could hopefully help out someone, encourage someone and/or make someone question about how they're approaching 'the one.' I'll be speaking both in a Biblical sense and a generalised sense since not everyone believes in God.

If you think deeper, why do we search for 'the one?' Is it a natural human instinct? Probably. Is it because we have a deeper sense of fulfilment that we believe can only be filled by the love and affection of someone else? Probably so too. What this search does to us is it makes us more self-centred. We search because WE want to be personally satisfied by getting something. This something I've generalised to a broad range of things like gifts, love, affection, attention .. not just sex okay. Again, I'm just presenting an idea I'm not trying to convince you to agree or think like me, I'm just wanting to spark up some food for thought.

For those who aren't exactly 'religious,' this can apply to you too:

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." -Song of Songs 2:7b (NIV)

This verse ultimately supports that searching is not how love will be 'awakened' or 'aroused.' No no no. Love is something that will be established in your heart in the right circumstance, with the right someone in the right time. Going from one person to another, yes it may engender a sense of learning but during that process you're still giving something of yourself. Take eating an apple for example. You give your apple to someone, they take a bite out of it. Without finishing the apple they give it back to you. You find someone else, you give them that same apple, they take a bite out of it and so forth .. until there's nothing but the core left. Some people are like this. Now you may think, well there's nothing left of me to give now to my 'one true love.' Oh but there is.

The thing about love is, it's not about you. It's about the other person. Just like marriage, it's not for you. It's not to make YOU feel special but more of how you can make the other person feel special. It's about giving something that more than just feelings. I believe that love is more than feelings, it's more than the butterflies in your stomach, more than holding hands and walking along the beach as the sun kisses the shore in the closing of that day (ha ..cheesy). Love is a spiritual connection, one that can bind your emotions and thoughts that switches from what you want given to you to what you want to give to the other person. I'm not getting all 'religious' on you but it's true. Love is deeper than feelings. 

To experience this love, you need to stop searching. I'll reference back to my first post on this series, singlehood should be about making solidification of your identity, of who you are. Don't let 'the search' take up the valuable time you have to use to better make yourself to be all that YOU can be. Don't get me wrong, it's good to be picky and have some high standards but don't focus on finding the right person .. BE THE RIGHT PERSON. Hence relating back to "Time" in this series. Many have heard this and you will keep hearing simple because we need reminding of it. I know that I do. 

Searching for someone requires a lot of time and patience and perseverance. It's all in perfect and good timing that love will come to you. As you wait, anticipate, dream and desire to meet that special someone, don't let it hinder you from all that you can be. Be prepared to sacrifice, be prepared to give more than just valentines gifts and letters because that is what love will consist of .. giving. It's about willingly giving and providing more than physical desires of the other person. So to those who are 'searching,' it's not wrong to but I do encourage you to stop searching because there's probably a good reason why you haven't found the 'one.' Maybe you're not ready as an individual to meet that person, maybe it's not the right timing for the other person OR for you, maybe you're both not ready to fall in love just yet. Don't you fret, love will come to you one day. Just sit back relax and let life take you further on a journey of continuous development of yourself. 

That someday will come. 

Confessions of Being Single #1: Time

Lately, it's been a recurring thought about the concept of time. So I decided to google, 'time.' I'm not too sure how many other people there are in this world who share the same intrigue as I do when it comes to the origins and meaning of words- please excuse the excitement and fascination as I dig deeper into fleshing out the word 'time.'

time

tʌɪm/

noun

1. 1.

   the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

   "travel through space and time"

   
   

   
   

   
   

From this definition we can already grasp that the concept of time is a progress, a continuing progress that is indefinite. Indefinite being vague or not clearly expressed. Which in fact is true. We can see the progression of time every single, waking day of our lives. From the rising to the setting of the sun, the growth and falling of leaves of trees from winter to spring. It's there and inevitably progressing. During these progressions, our existence (and existence of other living/non-living things) and events are considered as a whole from the past, present and future. To dig deeper and probably gain better understanding, take the dates of a person's lifetime. Time is defined by that dash in between the birth date and death date. Everything that we have experienced, felt, dealt with, done is all in that dash. All of our past and present emerged into one dash.

Now, how does this relate to 'being single?' Since I have established that time is a progression of our existence and events, this is what 'being single' is. Being single is a progression. Often misinterpreted by social media, well media in general, that being single is a state of just waiting and anticipating for the emergence of 'falling in love.' Because apparently being married and settled down with a family is your life done and dusted. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing to have dreams of a future that consists of being in love with a 'forever' partner and raising a family whilst having a stable and enjoyable career. I am however encouraging you to see single-hood in a new light.

Imagine if magazine articles, blogging sites and other forms of media presented topics on how to find yourself, how to be confident in your own skin, how to love who you are, how to embrace all your flaws and correct what is wrong? The formation and structure of our society would be different wouldn't it? It could be possible that we would be raising up a generation that defines themselves and finds their identity NOT by the idealistic standards of a westernised, materialistic, image-possessed society. This way people are being formed and moulded accordingly and well internally rather than focusing on the external figure.

Yes, first impressions do have an impact and presentation is important. Yet it is not everything and it doesn't define you as a person. Think of it, your name defines you more than the appearance of your face. For naturally, humans seek after knowledge of the things that is skin deep. When we differentiate between single-hood as a timeline of anticipation to a timeline of finding yourself, it deteriorates and erodes most, if even all, ideologies of 'love.'

See, single-hood should be an embarkment, a journey of truly identifying who you are and establishing a foundation on which you can stand and not be moved. If ever, know that being single isn't a 'punishment' or karma or a burden. It shouldn't be. It should be that timeline of your life where you explore what you like, don't like, are intrigued by, upset by ..being single is a wonderful thing. If you let it be. In the mean time of being single, utilize it to the best of your ability to learn more. Utilize it to embrace that the past is what you've been through which contributes to who you are in the present to ultimately mould all that you are to do and be in the future. Utilize single-hood as a means of figuring out your placement in this world.

It's inevitable that loneliness can creep in but don't let it affect you to the point that you get off track. Even if you do get off track for a bit, it's never impossible to get back on.