Confessions of Being Single #2: The Search

AHA! You probably have already figured out what this post will be about. Oh the perilous journey of searching and finding 'the one' for you is tiring, long, challenging, annoying and frankly can sometimes leave you in a state of hopelessness. This is though if you have spent most of your adolescent to adult life going from one person to another, 'falling in love' several times but finding that you just haven't encountered your one true 'soul mate.'

Well let me present to you another idea. See, I won't judge you if you have had multiple relationships or have given your heart so many times that you feel as if you can't give anything to the one you're truly meant to be with. We're only human and plus I have no right to judge you since I have no knowledge of you. But I do believe that we aren't meant to search.

I will warn before I continue, that I myself have not experienced falling in love, I have not been in a relationship either. Might be surprising to some since I am almost 18 years old. So ...*cricket sounds* Anyway, this is just my personal idea that could hopefully help out someone, encourage someone and/or make someone question about how they're approaching 'the one.' I'll be speaking both in a Biblical sense and a generalised sense since not everyone believes in God.

If you think deeper, why do we search for 'the one?' Is it a natural human instinct? Probably. Is it because we have a deeper sense of fulfilment that we believe can only be filled by the love and affection of someone else? Probably so too. What this search does to us is it makes us more self-centred. We search because WE want to be personally satisfied by getting something. This something I've generalised to a broad range of things like gifts, love, affection, attention .. not just sex okay. Again, I'm just presenting an idea I'm not trying to convince you to agree or think like me, I'm just wanting to spark up some food for thought.

For those who aren't exactly 'religious,' this can apply to you too:

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." -Song of Songs 2:7b (NIV)

This verse ultimately supports that searching is not how love will be 'awakened' or 'aroused.' No no no. Love is something that will be established in your heart in the right circumstance, with the right someone in the right time. Going from one person to another, yes it may engender a sense of learning but during that process you're still giving something of yourself. Take eating an apple for example. You give your apple to someone, they take a bite out of it. Without finishing the apple they give it back to you. You find someone else, you give them that same apple, they take a bite out of it and so forth .. until there's nothing but the core left. Some people are like this. Now you may think, well there's nothing left of me to give now to my 'one true love.' Oh but there is.

The thing about love is, it's not about you. It's about the other person. Just like marriage, it's not for you. It's not to make YOU feel special but more of how you can make the other person feel special. It's about giving something that more than just feelings. I believe that love is more than feelings, it's more than the butterflies in your stomach, more than holding hands and walking along the beach as the sun kisses the shore in the closing of that day (ha ..cheesy). Love is a spiritual connection, one that can bind your emotions and thoughts that switches from what you want given to you to what you want to give to the other person. I'm not getting all 'religious' on you but it's true. Love is deeper than feelings. 

To experience this love, you need to stop searching. I'll reference back to my first post on this series, singlehood should be about making solidification of your identity, of who you are. Don't let 'the search' take up the valuable time you have to use to better make yourself to be all that YOU can be. Don't get me wrong, it's good to be picky and have some high standards but don't focus on finding the right person .. BE THE RIGHT PERSON. Hence relating back to "Time" in this series. Many have heard this and you will keep hearing simple because we need reminding of it. I know that I do. 

Searching for someone requires a lot of time and patience and perseverance. It's all in perfect and good timing that love will come to you. As you wait, anticipate, dream and desire to meet that special someone, don't let it hinder you from all that you can be. Be prepared to sacrifice, be prepared to give more than just valentines gifts and letters because that is what love will consist of .. giving. It's about willingly giving and providing more than physical desires of the other person. So to those who are 'searching,' it's not wrong to but I do encourage you to stop searching because there's probably a good reason why you haven't found the 'one.' Maybe you're not ready as an individual to meet that person, maybe it's not the right timing for the other person OR for you, maybe you're both not ready to fall in love just yet. Don't you fret, love will come to you one day. Just sit back relax and let life take you further on a journey of continuous development of yourself. 

That someday will come. 

Aquarium Adventure

:ast Friday, I finally went out for the first time since the HSC. Thanks to my bestfriend for taking me out as we spontaneously went to Sydney Aquarium, got lost between Central and Town Hall, spent almost more than an hour in Kinokuniya, walked through beautiful historical buildings (the Queen Victoria Building), ate bread, sushi and froyo. Oh how wonderful it was!

Here you'll find how the day went through these photos, I have learnt the art of copyrighting my photos by the way so if you desire to use any of these photos please contact me through twitter (the link is in the left side bar). I'll be doing my best to post as many photos on my blog especially if it's a full day outing. It's more pleasant when it's visually represented.

(The 11th photo is my bestfriend)

Confessions of Being Single #1: Time

Lately, it's been a recurring thought about the concept of time. So I decided to google, 'time.' I'm not too sure how many other people there are in this world who share the same intrigue as I do when it comes to the origins and meaning of words- please excuse the excitement and fascination as I dig deeper into fleshing out the word 'time.'

time

tʌɪm/

noun

1. 1.

   the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

   "travel through space and time"

   
   

   
   

   
   

From this definition we can already grasp that the concept of time is a progress, a continuing progress that is indefinite. Indefinite being vague or not clearly expressed. Which in fact is true. We can see the progression of time every single, waking day of our lives. From the rising to the setting of the sun, the growth and falling of leaves of trees from winter to spring. It's there and inevitably progressing. During these progressions, our existence (and existence of other living/non-living things) and events are considered as a whole from the past, present and future. To dig deeper and probably gain better understanding, take the dates of a person's lifetime. Time is defined by that dash in between the birth date and death date. Everything that we have experienced, felt, dealt with, done is all in that dash. All of our past and present emerged into one dash.

Now, how does this relate to 'being single?' Since I have established that time is a progression of our existence and events, this is what 'being single' is. Being single is a progression. Often misinterpreted by social media, well media in general, that being single is a state of just waiting and anticipating for the emergence of 'falling in love.' Because apparently being married and settled down with a family is your life done and dusted. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing to have dreams of a future that consists of being in love with a 'forever' partner and raising a family whilst having a stable and enjoyable career. I am however encouraging you to see single-hood in a new light.

Imagine if magazine articles, blogging sites and other forms of media presented topics on how to find yourself, how to be confident in your own skin, how to love who you are, how to embrace all your flaws and correct what is wrong? The formation and structure of our society would be different wouldn't it? It could be possible that we would be raising up a generation that defines themselves and finds their identity NOT by the idealistic standards of a westernised, materialistic, image-possessed society. This way people are being formed and moulded accordingly and well internally rather than focusing on the external figure.

Yes, first impressions do have an impact and presentation is important. Yet it is not everything and it doesn't define you as a person. Think of it, your name defines you more than the appearance of your face. For naturally, humans seek after knowledge of the things that is skin deep. When we differentiate between single-hood as a timeline of anticipation to a timeline of finding yourself, it deteriorates and erodes most, if even all, ideologies of 'love.'

See, single-hood should be an embarkment, a journey of truly identifying who you are and establishing a foundation on which you can stand and not be moved. If ever, know that being single isn't a 'punishment' or karma or a burden. It shouldn't be. It should be that timeline of your life where you explore what you like, don't like, are intrigued by, upset by ..being single is a wonderful thing. If you let it be. In the mean time of being single, utilize it to the best of your ability to learn more. Utilize it to embrace that the past is what you've been through which contributes to who you are in the present to ultimately mould all that you are to do and be in the future. Utilize single-hood as a means of figuring out your placement in this world.

It's inevitable that loneliness can creep in but don't let it affect you to the point that you get off track. Even if you do get off track for a bit, it's never impossible to get back on.

Thorough enjoyment of your company

Last Friday night, we danced on table tops and took too many shots. Think we kissed but I forgot.

Just kidding! If you didn't catch my little joke there, I was quoting Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night." Now aside from my so called humour, I move into into the real content of this post.

Last Friday night I had my very first experience of going to another youth group by myself. The reason I had chosen to go by myself was to rid myself of being in the comfort of having someone by my side all the time and the reason I had chosen to go to another youth group was to get myself out of my comfort zone from YD.

I attended M.A.D youths Friday meeting and it was definitely one of the most loveliest experiences I've had in such a long time. As I walked into the building my eyes glanced up to see a full worship band. Cool cool. Then they traced to the people on the floor ready for worship. A good 4-5 people stood there. I kid you not. Cool cool cool.
As we commenced worship, it seemed a little difficult for me to not feel the presence of a large amount of people around me. Step one out of my comfort zone. However I eventually just said to myself: God is here and that's all that matters right now. On saying a statement to myself I really felt His sweet, intimate presence in that place.

As the first worship song started, a beautiful voice filled the room. I looked up to the girl at the keyboard and immediately knew that it was Jheriel's Ate (older sister). Her voice so genuine and immensely in the song, it touched my heart. I continued to observe (also worshipping God at the same time) the worship team and how each person either sung or played their instrument. Their sincerity revealed their heart of worship and heart for God. Again, I was really touched. It wasn't about how well they played, although they did sound fantastic, it was about how they worshipped God through their talent.

Worship was then completed when JC closed in prayer. I must say, he is a very good song-leader. Definitely in for the worship ministry at Fatfish. We then had the offering where surprisingly Jheriel got up to the mic straight away to pray for the offering. I've never send him like this, I've only seen him in worship but not step up and pray in front of everyone. That was a nice moment.

After the offering we all sat down in a circle and began the Word. The size of their youth group was roughly the same size as Adorn (Cell group). Oh the intimacy and comfort I felt within that circle was humbling. Reading through "Crazy love," was already convicting in itself but having Ate Jherlin talk deeper into it made my heart melt. Such words of wisdom, humility and sincerity blessed my heart so much that I now consider her as one of my role models. That's saying something! I don't even know her personally but I know enough of her to say that she is one of the most beautiful people I've witnessed/met. Even til now I can't comprehend how much I am so blessed by her and the immense evidence of the deepness of her relationship with God makes me aspire to have my relationship with Him like that.

After the Word and some discussion, we split off into prayer partners. Now this, I was familiar with. We did this in relive as well. So I had split off with Prince and Gabi, we talked a bit about exams and all then went into prayer. They are both such lovely people and oh so very sweet. As we prayed, contentment and peace just filled my heart. It really did. I was more than blessed.

M.A.D youth really lives up to its name. "Making A Difference." Though they are small in size, it doesn't undermine the size of their hearts. Each individual is being used and worked through by God and that's how they make a difference as a youth group. It's through the nurture and growth of these individuals. That's where it humbled me the most. Coming from and growing up in a large youth group, YD, it's easy to miss the purity and consistency of what community is. It's easy to miss the importance and significance of individual growth. It's easy to miss the deepness of having a relationship with God.

As I walked out of the building with Jeffrey, Prince, Jovi and JC, I really reflected back on the night and just felt content. It was a different kind of contentment. The kind that is like a storm calming down in your heart. I had found peace again.

I then saw Jeffrey's dad and said hi to him. Jeffrey being the very kind person he is, he offered to take me home although I did say it would've been perfectly fine to drop me off at FCF and for me to get a lift from one of my own leaders. But anyway. Surprisingly Jeff opened the door to the car for me, I jokingly went around to the other side ..smiled and said "I'm joking Jeff!" Went around again to the open door and entered the car. I've never had a car door opened for me so I thought it was very gentleman like of him. However I did hear outside: "oh Jeffrey, opening the car door!" Oh well it was chivalry at its finest. Well for me that is.

On the way home Jeffrey and I talked about various topics, occasionally making fun of each other and laughing AT each other. I thoroughly enjoyed his company and the company of M.A.D. Youth.

That Friday night, I had found peace again and the importance of having a deep relationship with God.
That Friday night, I came to conclusion that I have a guy bestfriend named Jeffrey.
That Friday night, I was serenaded by Prince singing "Lego house (yeah yeah)."
That Friday night, I met one of the most beautiful human beings- Ate Jherlin.
That Friday night, I was humbled.
That Friday night ...that Friday night.